i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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