it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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