ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
