I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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