The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
