remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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