sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
