He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
