Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
