Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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