Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize