five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
