yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
