If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Alive.
So much puke
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize