woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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