Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
