So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
