Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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