not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
