i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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