no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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