hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
