i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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