Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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