EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
