Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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