I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
