So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
