I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
