watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if only i could text you this smell
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
