just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
