You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So much rum. So many feels.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
40s are totally the cure
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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