Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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