My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
