My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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