Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
