Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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