please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
