I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
