it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
