so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
