Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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