omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
