It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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