The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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