i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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