Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
