My underwear smells like fireworks.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
