Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize