Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
