So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
