Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
