I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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