as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
