Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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