I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
