You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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