i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
