she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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