I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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