I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
