Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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