i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
