Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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