she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize