i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
