Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
