Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
