While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize