god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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