my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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